Okay, you finally got up the courage to go to your first dance class. Good job! Here’s the real challenge, though: You feel like an idiot doing this thing called “dancing.”
You can criticize yourself into a coma if you try hard enough…
But I have a better idea. Let’s not pay so much attention to those nasty thoughts. You know the ones: “I suck at this,” or “I feel totally stupid,” or “I look like an asshat.”
If you want to get over feeling stupid and make it through class, here’s what to do. Replace those thoughts with this mantra:
Lemme break that down:
“We’re all in the same boat.”
Look around you. Sure, some students will seem more confident than others. It’s a facade.
Most other people are wondering whether they look like fools, too. Just watch for a moment. You’ll see hesitant movements, confused looks. Even the supposed “confident people” are praying they don’t get asked to learn something out of their comfort zones.
Every good dancer I know has felt stupid in a dance class at one time or another. Every. Single. One. Why? Because if you never feel stupid, then you certainly aren’t trying anything new, which means you can’t get good at dancing.
You’re not alone.
“The teacher is on my side.”
Your dance instructor wants you to succeed. They want you to succeed even more than YOU want you to succeed. They dream at night of having students like you; you are exactly the type of student they are looking for.
If your teacher corrects you, it’s not because they don’t like you or think you are bad at dancing. It’s because they want you to experience that surge of excitement when you persevere and get it right. We love telling our friends about our students. In fact, the story of the underdog who wouldn’t quit is one of my personal favorites.
Remember the teacher is on your side.
“It won’t be like this forever.”
The brain is really melodramatic. When you feel some strong emotion, it tends to come with this foreboding sense of “forever-ness.” Or at least you imagine you’ll feel bad for a really long time.
Obviously you’re not going to feel silly dancing forever. But you have to remind yourself of that over and over again.
Feeling stupid is very short-lived. It will disappear once you leave the dance class. And next class, you’ll feel only half as stupid as you did the first time. In just a month or two, the feeling will be trivial.
Try dancing for just two months, and see for yourself.
“Besides, I’m awesome.”
“I am an awesome person who has a lot going for me. I’m good at other things, even if I’m not comfortable dancing yet.”
I use some variation of this whenever I take a new class of some kind (in which I frequently feel silly and out of my comfort zone). It works wonders to remember that I’m happy with myself and have lots of good things in my life.
If you don’t think that you are awesome, that’s actually the real problem. However, if you stick it out and learn to dance, you will become the awesome person you want to be—with enough work.
But really, you are awesome to begin with.
BONUS: WE HAVE DANCE CLASSES!
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Seattle local? Aspiring dancer? (Or at least aspiring not-trip-over-my-own-feet-er?)
Come take swing dance classes with Rebecca (me) and Paul. You can also get on our VIP List for special offers, discounts, and first dibs on limited enrollment classes. I know, I’m screaming in excitement, too. Hope to see you there!
THE END.
Just kidding. I can’t leave without giving you one final tip: Everything is an experiment.
Class is not a performance. If something doesn’t work one way, try it another. Make a few mistakes on purpose and get over those newbie jitters.
THE REAL END. Just kidding again. This blog never ends. So put your name and email in the box below and get eternal updates.
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I had the “advantage” that in no point of my life was I ever an athlete. So I wasn’t surprised at all when I sucked. I embraced the suck and reminded myself that my family still loved me and I still had a job and a warm place to live. So how bad could it be?
Now I know I’m not going to get any better without failing first (and second, and third…)
I’ve had to remind myself from time to time that I’m in class to improve my dancing, not to be perfect and impress other people. Not long ago I was in a solo jazz class, during which the instructor showed variations on jump Charleston… which I didn’t know and couldn’t for the life of me figure out. :P It was an open class and we practiced in two different groups and boy, I felt really really ridiculous faking my way through with the experienced dancers looking on. :P But I took a breath and didn’t beat myself up cause I know I will get there, it is just going to take me a little longer to figure it out.
Overall It’s true that after a year I don’t feel so silly because I am much more comfortable and confident. with the dance in general. Except now I’m learning to lead, which has returned me to an incredibly awkward newbie all over again. I don’t like that. ha.
What’s wrong with feeling stupid? If you always feel awesome and smart, there’s nothing to learn, right? Now being *afraid* of feeling stupid (or failures in general) is another issue.
Patting yourself on the back for something you haven’t achieved or irrelevant to what you’re learning is just a temporary distraction from facing your fear of failures. It’ll come back…
It’s okay to be stupid. If you are perfect already, there’s no more room for improvement and new learnings. Great pieces of advice. Thanks!
Great post. I will share this with my students.
And I will add another important thing to remember: none of the other students notices (or, frankly, cares) that you feel stupid. Everyone else is so wrapped up in feeling stupid themselves, or learning, or struggling with the material, or whatever — they’re just so focussed on their own experience of the class — that they couldn’t spare a thought for whether or not someone else feels stupid.
Hopefully, recognizing this is a relief.
Lucy
That is SO true that nobody else notices whether you look stupid or not. In fact, other newbies usually don’t have the experience to figure out what “good” looks like yet. Thanks!
First, you realize that there is terminology to be learned. Walk means something different than what the flashing crosswalk sign signals. Then you realize you are being asked to think about your movements while your body responds to your perception of the beat. Finally, just as that first basic step starts to become clear, the teacher says rotate and you have to begin again. Dance class after dance class will go that way. If you are lucky the studio will have a practice party, where you get to stare in awe at all the tricks the advanced dancers know. Just think they used to be me and you’ll be fine.
Rebecca, It looks to me like you have some robo-comments on this post.
Took care of it. I get thousands of spam comments; sometimes a few get through the filter!
Great post! I will start my dance class next week and i have mixed emotions. I am excited and nervous at the same time. Thanks for sharing not how to feel stupid in a dance class.
Thanks for the wonderful pieces of advice. Oftentimes, especially when you just started taking dance classes, you can’t help but feel shy and stupid. i’m glad that there are posts such as this that shares tips on how not to feel stupid.