Not every new dancer dreams of becoming a famous lindy hopper. It’s hard work to be in the spotlight.
Many of us want to be like Peter Flahiff, a well-loved Seattle dance instructor. He runs an increasingly popular Friday night dance venue, East Side Stomp.
Now, I was originally going to title this post, “Who the Hell is Peter Flahiff?” Most of my readers have no idea who Peter is or why they should care about him.
But Peter Flahiff has something a lot of us want:
People line up to dance with him.
A line of people who love to dance with him, and whom he loves to dance with. For most dancers, nothing’s better than to simply be liked!
Why does everyone think Peter is such a dreamboat? How does he do it?
Recently, I had Peter over for an interview so I could find out his secrets. Out of our 50 minute conversation, I pulled the very best snippets to help you get in Peter’s head.
By the way, Peter is freakin’ hilarious. He told many more awesome stories than I have room to share here.
—
me: So I actually tried to stalk you online, and you had strategically taken down your website the day I was looking for it!
PF: Ug, I have to pay GoDaddy.
me: Luckily, Google cached it for me. Unluckily, it said pretty much the same things as the other site I found. I also watched some old clips of you and Rusty Frank.
PF: Sorry about that.
me: I actually thought they were awesome.
PF: In that case, sweet!
me: So here’s what I found out. You started dancing lindy hop in 1994.
PF: I was 18 years old.
me: You learned socially, yes?
PF: Uh, yeah. The long, hard, awkward way.
me: How long did you learn socially before you started—
PF: —Actually learning? [We laugh.] It was probably year and a half before I set foot in a lindy hop class and learned I’d been doing everything wrong. I’d had a growing sense that I was not doing things well. I was falling out of that initial phase of, “Swing dancing’s supposed to be just going out there and feeling it, and cranking the girl around, and just ooooo!”
It was a very long, prideful year and a half before I could suck it up and say, I don’t know what I’m doing. And I need to go find out.
“I thought it was lame to learn actual ‘steps.’”
me: Is there a time you felt like your ego came down and intersected with your ability? Or were you always pretty aware of your dance level?
PF: Oh gosh no. There was a long period of time at the beginning where I was convinced I knew what I was doing. I thought it was lame to learn actual “steps.” It’s a language, and for a long time I wasn’t speaking the language.
It probably took a couple years of classes before my ego leveled with my ability.
me: You’ve been dancing for 16 years. Are you satisfied with your dancing now?
PF: Oh no. God no. That’s the moment where you might as well get out, in my opinion. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with approaching it as a hobby, and just getting to a comfortable point in your dancing. But I’m perpetually curious about whatever it is that fascinates me.
All through my life, if I was interested in a subject, I’d be at the library researching it. And with something this big, I’m not even close to satisfied.
me: When did you partner with Rusty Frank?
PF: About 4 years into my dancing. I was really lucky early on to have partnered up with her. It was very humbling to be at these dance camps with literally the cream of the crop. It was a hugely skyrocketing thing.
me: Have you ever been this close to quitting dancing?
PF: Yes. I was coming to the end of my partnership with Rusty. I felt like it had been a really cool chapter in my life. I went from knowing nothing, never having set foot on a floor. To being asked to teach in Herrang in a very short amount of time.
I just felt like, where would I go from here? That’s the mountain top, right? I thought this would be the time for me to retire.
And I did. When I finished working with Rusty, I told everyone I was quitting. I told them I was going to be a writer, which is something I’d wanted to do most of my life.
I took a couple of day jobs, Starbucks, Barnes and Noble.
me: Were you writing?
PF: No.
me: Were you thinking about lindy hop?
PF: Constantly. It lasted just a couple of months. I was miserable.
[We cry together softly.]
PF: I think I was worried about whether I would have any value to anyone outside of the context of my partnership with Rusty. Without her, does anyone even know me as anything other than Peter of “Rusty and Peter”? It was scary, and I thought it would be better for my ego not to find out.
me: So here’s something I’ve really been wondering about. What’s your secret to developing such a loyal following in Kirkland? [Kirkland is where Peter teaches, not far from Seattle.] Quite frankly Peter, they love you. They would fight zombies for you.
PF: The zombie apocalypse.
me: Yes, the zombie apocalypse is coming, but your ass is safe. I see—I feel like there are girls lined up along the edge of the floor, just waiting for the right time to ask you to dance. And the guys would, too.
PF: [laughs to stall for time] …I think, if I’ve done anything to create followers… People can probably tell that I love the crap out of this. Genuinely, deep down to the marrow of my bones, love the music, the dancing, the people, love to teach. I think that resonates with people, when they see someone who really cares about something.
“If we’re not diligent about getting everyone who’s faintly interested out on the dance floor, this could go away again.”
And I don’t want to stop and think about how successful it is. When I started out, it was a couple of years before the revival. Back then, there was nothing cool about swing dancing. It was hugely dorky.
It was on par with how most of the world views, say, square dancing. It was a fringe thing with a group of off people wearing funny clothes, doing this old, old dance.
People would be like, “Dude, what are you all dressed up for?” “Oh, I’m a swing dancer.” And the only thing they can think of with “swing” is like, wife swapping.
When I started, there were only about a dozen other people my age into swing dancing. And in the back of my head, I keep in mind that it could always go back to that. If we’re not diligent about getting everyone who’s faintly interested out on the dance floor, this could go away again.
me: See, that’s what I think is really magnetic about you. You feel like every single dancer counts. You don’t just give it lip service. You don’t just love the music, culture, and dancing, you love each and every dancer.
[Peter is nodding and grinning.]
me: See, it’s true! You’re not concerned with whether they like you. You want them to love dancing.
PF: Yeah, pretty much.
me: So, what advice would you give to the dancer who wants to be well-liked, super comfortable at dances, and have lots of people to dance with every night?
PF: Two important things. One, if you do get really good, like rock star status, locally or whatever, don’t buy into it. Don’t let praise sink in. The most deadly thing is when people buy into their own hype.
“I want every girl to feel like that was the best dance she’s gonna get all night.”
Even the biggest rock star in the lindy hop community is still only a rock star TO the lindy hop community. Nobody’s going to stop you in the grocery store and be like, “It’s you! I love your swing outs!”
And the other thing is to really enjoy dancing with the person you’re dancing with. Not dancing at them or showing off. It’s been on my mind a lot because I’ve been seeing all over the place lately.
I feel like the dance has drifted toward a much more performance-oriented style, even on the social dance floor. Like, dig these cool moves, look at this cool stuff I can do. There’s not a lot of, “Let’s enjoy the next 3 minutes and see how good we can make it feel.”
That’s what try to do with the girls I’m dancing with. I want every girl to feel like that was the best dance she’s gonna get all night.
me: Oooo! If all guys had that attitude… I’d just be happy every night.
PF: You know, and it goes both ways, too. There are times when I feel like I could grab the follower, shake them a little bit and say, “Calm down!” [Rebecca giggles.] “You know, just relax. It’s 3 minutes. Let’s just enjoy this.”
me: What you’re getting at is connecting with each person individually. Even when you’re talking about dropping your ego. Don’t separate yourself from the crowd, because it intimidates people. So you have to drop the ego act over and over. Every night, check your ego at the door.
If someone wants to be really magnetic and have people lining up to dance with them—
PF: Take care of them. Get out on the floor and do whatever you have to do to make that person feel amazing. Whether it’s someone dancing for the first time, or the local rock star. Every single time, it matters.
—
In conclusion: drop the ego, love the dance, and treat your partner like gold.
Has any of this been insightful for you? Leave a comment and join the discussion!
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Photo credits: Paul Kammer and Andrea DeBrino.
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Love it!
Thanks! (Nice blog, btw.)
I think one aspect of why Peter is so loved that was missed is the music he plays. Peter loves all forms of swing music (including revival swing bands) and plays so many songs that are just fun to dance to. I have been traveling and dancing at different cities all over the states with my new job, and no venue comes close to Peters!
So many other venues when I’m getting tired, I will be happy to sit a few songs out. At east side stomp, I tell Peter all the time “Are you trying to kill me?” because the music is so good, I HAVE to dance.
Awesome. Thanks for the observation.
Also, man I hate it when DJs try to kill the dancers! Or do I love it? Hm…
I love Peter’s last statment – and your final conclusion “drop the ego, love the dance, and treat your partner like gold.”
Thanks so much for doing this interview and sharing it. I’ve seen Peter around plenty, but have never danced with him. I think now that I must at the next possible opportunity! :)
Glad you liked it!!
With all this publicity, Peter’s really going to have a line of people waiting to ask him to dances!
I admit it . . . I am one of those who line the walls to dance with Peter and in my defense I do have some additional legitimate reasons not listed above that I wait patiently for my turn.
1. Peter always looks genuinely happy that you have asked him to dance. In fact he looks so 100% delighted that you came by to ask it makes you feel great that you went by to ask him.
2. He is completely musical when he dances. He may not be the guy that is going to toss you 8 feet in the air and whip out 15 variations in a row that don’t make any sense. He dances to the music and hits the breaks.
3. Peter smiles when he dances and doesn’t look around the room to see who his next (better) dance will be with. I noticed this strange smiling behavior and tried it on for size myself. It is amazing how your partner relaxes and has a bit more fun if you smile and enjoy the time.
4. He is constantly trying to improve his leading. He hasn’t stopped learning because he started teaching.
5. Peter dances with new dancers, enjoys it, and makes our community a larger, happier place. I line up to dance with Peter because I respect him. He practices what he preaches regarding dance etiquette and he is a great role model for aspiring teachers. I once took a private lesson from Sylvia Sykes and she said that her much of her life involves dancing with new dancers. If it is good enough for Sylvia and Peter, it is good enough for all of us.
I think we all sometimes forget how much it means to new dancers to be forgiven for their mistakes, to be asked by other dancers that are more experienced than they are to dance, and to be told an enthusiastic yes when they spent half the night to work up the nerve to ask. Peter doesn’t forget.
Love it! Thanks for the additional observations. I’m happy to have your personal experience.
#4 is something we talked about during the interview, but I didn’t have space to publish. I’m very impressed that he hasn’t settled down and stopped working on dancing. He’s still learning new things and becoming a better dancer. And more effective teacher.
Peter is the real deal. He talks the talk, and, uh, dances the dance. With enormous sincerity, charm and genuine heart. That is why I line up to dance with him. Maybe when I grow up I can be like him.
Peter Flahiff is a stand up gent.
I feel he is perhaps one of the most underrated lindy hoppers on the scene. He is about as humble as one mere mortal can be, and I was ecstatic when I saw your interview with him, Rebecca. He would never spend the hours blabbing away about his own accomplishments and general badassery without interviews and the like, because he’s always looking to praise those qualities in the people around him.
He is genuine, through and through; genuine to the music, culture, soul, and love of all things Lindy Hop. I love dancing with Peter not only because he refuses to accord with this one-dance-fits-all mentality, but because Peter is simply not a judgmental person. I don’t feel like he’s dissecting my swing out or creativity when I dance with him. We’re just doing what the dance was created for: an outlet, a refuge, what have you–it’s an expression and reflection of yourself and each other. Like he says, dancing is simply another form of communication.
Lindy Hoppers–and people in general–love Peter because he’s a phenomenal human being (even outside of the Lindy Hop world–gasp!) with a great personality; all of the wonderful qualities of which shine when he is sharing that which he is most passionate about with you–if only for three minutes.
Peter deserves all the love, adoration, recognition, and lines of follows as he can get. He reminds me of Jimmy Stewart in It’s a Wonderful Life. He’s my Lindy Hop hero*, and I’m proud to say his passion for this dance was the catalyst for my own.
*. . . sounds like a video game.
YES YES YES.
“Lindy Hop Hero.” I’d play Peter’s character in a video game any day.
I loved this and I love Peter! My first workshop was when Peter and the crew were here in MT and I have been hooked since that day. I just fell in love with the dance and I think that has a lot to do with Peter and all the people here who have learned from him that share that love.
I will admit, I’ve never gotten a chance to actually dance with Peter (which is super sad to me) but I have met him and if I hadn’t moved so soon after meeting him, I know I would be lining up. I love his attitude and his heart; he’s an all around good guy and a TERRIFIC dancer.
Peter was my most amazing mentor and teacher,he thought me how to have fun with dancing,and my partners. I dance like a Rock Star ,but I never let it go to my head and never have.I have so much to learn.I love to teach and I do it for nothing,when time allows. We have these new kids come in and think they are all that,and think that it’s all about them,and that they already know it all,and are looking for fame.
The attitude from the above poster, as well as a few others, is now becoming:
“If you’re not a humble, ultra-friendly dancer that doesn’t openly take pride in something they’re good at, and who smiles throughout every dance whether you’re feeling like it or not, then you’re a terrible person.”
Badmouthing someone because you’re under the belief that they’re looking down on you, but making sure to qualify it with, “Oh, but I am a really good dancer too, just so you all know I’m not a newbie. But it’s not okay for them to think they’re awesome. In fact, they’re a sucky person for thinking so.” This goes back to the ‘Why won’t the cool kids talk to me’ post Rebecca made, in which individuals are fabricating adversity in their heads where none exists.
The irony.
I’m not as consistently outgoing as some people. Some nights I want to go out, dance and talk with my friends and not have any social interactions that require me to go out of my comfort zone. Low stress nights where I can just relax and don’t feel like meeting or talking to people I don’t know, dance level being irrelevant. I’m antisocial often, despite also being very friendly much of the rest of the time. I also build the scene, but I do it at my leisure.
Peter is a cool dude who runs a successful venue, is a pleasure to talk to and does an extraordinary job building the confidences of newer dancers. He’s a great teacher that brings a lot to the scene, and provides a comfortable environment for people to come and have fun. He’s genuinely humble about his abilities as a dancer, and is extremely approachable and hospitable. His venue is one of the most successful in Washington, and that’s impressive. What’s more impressive is how long he persisted when his venue was NOT successful
This is a blog post about why he’s an excellent person, not why everybody who’s not him sucks.
Oh man, this is so disjointed. I’m never typing a response like this from work again.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post about Peter. He sounds like someone I’d love to meet. . .and dance with. I’ve noticed the trend among dancers that as you improve your skills there is a temptation to just dance with your friends and with the people of your skill level or higher.
If you travel and dance, you grow your circle of dance friends quite large and it is hard to make time to dance with your long lost friends and some new ones too!
It is easy for scenes to become less accessible to new dancers. I think this is partly human nature at work.
Most of us don’t find it easy to be our best selves all of the time. And we are all different and what each of us has to offer to the dance scene will be different. We aren’t all extroverts or introverts and that’s a good thing!
I think it is probably a good habit for dancers to stretch themselves and make a point to dance with other dancers of all levels in a social dance setting. And it would probably be a good idea to at least make an attempt to do this at each social dance.
I count myself very fortunate and have the most fun if I have a good variety of dances, from some with new joyful beginning dancers, to some with more experienced dancers and a number in between.
Shirley
I’m not much of a talker but I love hearing stories, when I first started dancing I thought I was doing great did not realize that I suck. Then I took a lot of lessons, work shops and I guess I’m an average dancer right now but I still want to improve in a lot of things specially in balboa. I hope that you could give me some guidance on how to better myself in dancing.
Stay tuned, and we’ll see. Maybe I can. :-)
“Dance with, not AT”.. God, that’s golden.
This is a great example of what’s good about the scene, and what’s obnoxious. I’ve never met him, but I would take classes based purely on his responses to this interview.
At some point it became about doing 98,235,2358 cool moves in a 3 minute time period and performing instead of enjoying the connection and the dance. At every dance camp I’ve been at my best dances are with beginners and my friends.
I LOVE what he says about rockstars. I’ve danced in more scenes than I can count and in some I’m a “rockstar” and some I’m a nobody and I love being a nobody. I’ve seen tons of “rockstars” that are just total douchebags. Give me the nerdy, nervous about leading a swingout lead over a hipster star who is dancing AT me not WITH me any day.
If you think you’re a rockstar everywhere, you’re one of a few options.
1: Either a really great dancer who is a genuinely nice person and who enjoys dancing for the sake of dancing. (these are RARE!!)
2: probably really just a douchebag who isn’t as advanced as you think you are.
3: Being a social climber for popularity.
In conclusion: drop the ego, love the dance, and treat your partner like gold.
Love it.
>>In conclusion: drop the ego, love the dance, and treat your partner like gold.<<
… in every arena! Great stuff.
Thrilled to see Peter getting some face time on your blog. I was a lucky beginner who had Peter as her weekly DJ and he definitely contributed to the dancer I am today. I try and describe these ideas to the dancers around me all the time, not understanding why they don’t know they should behave this way in the first place. So thank you Peter for being a great swing role model. I have been a fixture in the Peter line many many times.
Love. This. Post.
I hope this is the attitude I bring to my dance scene(s).
I have to line up with the fans above and say Peter is one of my all-time favorite people to dance with. Not only a super chill human being, but his dancing is hella yummy :)
This is a great article. I learned how to dance from Peter and he has my utmost respect. The ego thing is making a lot of sense now. I’m going to think about that more next time I’m out dancing!
what a great post! I found your blog last night and have been reading most of the entries. I found that some of the feelings your interviewee expressed, I could relate to as far as social dancing. It’s strange because I used to lindy hop/swing for years, but recently have delved into Argentine Tango. Have you written any blogs (or interviewed) anyone about their experience with various types of dances and why they migrate?