When you don’t know someone well, there’s pretty much ONE way to ask them to dance.
And there are at least 27 ways which will most often get you rejected.
How many have you done? In my earlier dance years, I’d be guilty of at least half. I wondered why certain people didn’t want to dance with me. Then I’d get pissy or sit in the corner and sulk.
I hope that doesn’t sound familiar. But if it does, you can analyze and fix your dance-asking strategies. First, let’s cover what you may be doing to sabotage yourself.
27 Ways to be Rejection Magnet
- Ask someone who’s avoiding eye contact
- Ask someone in the middle of a conversation
- Run across the floor to catch someone
- Hold your hand out at an awkward or wimpy angle while asking
- Holding your hand out. Period.
- Grab someone who’s walking past you
- Ask too quietly
- Be over the top
- Ask a group of people if one of them wants to dance
- Ask someone outside of the dance room
- Ask someone who’s solo dancing
- Ask someone who’s getting ready to leave
- Don’t make eye contact
- Walk up and tap someone from behind
- Ask like you’re scared they’ll say no
- Pounce on someone when they’re about to ask someone else to dance
- Be aggressive or pushy
- Ask someone who looks bored
- Ask someone who is surrounded by a group of friends
- Ask someone who’s falling asleep
- Ask someone who’s sitting waaay at the back of the dance room, behind bags, coats, shoes, and hoards of people who look like they want to dance
- Ask someone who’s standing next to another person on the dance floor
- Look annoyed when you’re asking
- Stick your foot out when someone’s walking past
- Act like you don’t care if they say yes or no
- Act like the kernel of your self esteem rests on whether they say yes or no
- Wait for someone to ask you to dance
Why do people use these strategies in the first place? Lots of reasons: nerves, shyness, poor understanding of social cues, cultural differences, a sense of entitlement that everyone should dance with you.
Note: When you know someone well, you can bend social rules and norms a little. You wouldn’t fart loudly in a room of people you don’t know, but your friends might laugh.
The same goes with asking someone to dance. At your own risk, you can interrupt a conversation, be over the top, or not make eye contact. Or make that funny jerking motion your friends have come to understand as, “You dance with me now.”
How should you ask someone to dance? It’s actually quite easy:
Look pleasant, approach at an angle, make eye contact, and ask,
“Do you want to dance?”
That’s it. Clean and simple.
Oh, did I mention being confident?
Lack of confidence is a killer way to get rejected. You’ll get so many NOs you can write your own blog post. Heh.
Also, if rejection bothers you, remember: You don’t have to dance with anyone. And ‘anyone’ doesn’t have to dance with you, either. It’s a relief to realize we’re not compelled to dance with anyone who asks.
So, what a treat when someone says yes! They are giving you the gift of their time and attention. And hopefully sharing 3 minutes of pure joy with you.
Special thanks to contributor Lee Broxson, who was kind enough to shoot the shit with me one night at the Century when I didn’t feel like dancing.
What are your ‘best’ ways of getting rejected at a dance?
P.S. You should like DWT on Facebook. Then we can chat more!
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